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How 'Bout Another (Bunch Of) Dumb Song​(​s) From Steve For No Reason?

by Steve Goodie

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1.
How 'Bout Another Dumb Song From Steve (For No Reason)? 00:10
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How 'bout another dumb song from Steve, for no reason?
2.
Shakes Are Off 03:25
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A parody of "Shake It Off" as performed by Taylor Swift I want a chocolate shake But the drive-thru makes me wait These people in my way, mm hm They're ruining my day, mm hm I finally order up my shake And I drive around to pay But then the lady says no way, mm mm There's no ice cream today, mm mm That thing is oozing But the stupid machine's refusing To make the milkshake that I'm choosing No chocolate no way and dammit this happens every night Cause I just want a shake shake shake shake shake But the milkshake machine always breaks breaks breaks, baby How come McDonalds advertises milkshakes When the shakes are off, the shakes are off, every time Why can't you make make make a shake Shouldn't be that tough for gods sake sake sake, baby How come McDonalds advertises milkshakes When the shakes are off, the shakes are off Don't want nothing to eat Don't want your mystery meat Those nuggets ain't for me, mm mm Dammit Mickey D, mm mm I just wanted some dessert Why you acting so butt-hurt No I don't want yogurt, mm mm I'd rather have a cup of dirt, mm hm This is not amusing The way you keep refusing My business you'll be losing If you don't work it out, get that stupid thing working right Cause I just want a shake shake shake shake shake But the milkshake machine always breaks breaks breaks, baby How come McDonalds advertises milkshakes When the shakes are off, the shakes are off, every time Why can't you make make make a shake Shouldn't be that tough for gods sake sake sake, baby How come McDonalds advertises milkshakes When the shakes are off, the shakes are off The shakes are off, the shakes are off, off off The shakes are off, the shakes are off, off off The shakes are off, the shakes are off, off off The shakes are off, the shakes are off Hey hey hey! Just think, while you've been worrying about salads and lattes and stupid toys in the happy meals, you could have been making bank with this, thick, treat So why's this man got a new girlfriend Wendy's like oh my god, have a Frosty milkshake Until the clown over there with the stupid red hair Finds some technical support for that shake shake shake (machine) Please drive around sir... no...... Cause I just want a shake shake shake shake shake But the milkshake machine always breaks breaks breaks, baby How come McDonalds advertises milkshakes When the shakes are off, the shakes are off Why can't you make make make a shake Shouldn't be that tough for gods sake sake sake, baby How come McDonalds advertises milkshakes When the shakes are off, the shakes are off, always The shakes are off, the shakes are off, cause you suck The shakes are off, the shakes are off, wtf The shakes are off, the shakes are off, come on The shakes are off, the shakes are off
3.
I Fell Off The Chair Lift 03:11
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A parody of "I Shot The Sheriff" as performed by Eric Clapton The winter olympics came around Recruiting in my hometown They said they wanted to see me ski Just go up the hill and then come down They said to me, it's as simple as can be And I say, okay, hold on just a second fellas, I've never Done this before... you're gonna put those sticks On my feet? I don't think so I fell off the chair lift So I did not even get to ski, ow, ow, man I fell off the chair lift Boy I hate the law of gravity I told you, I've never done this, ow The IOC really wanted me For what, I don't know Cause every time it's the agony of defeat And I wind up face down in the snow, don'tcha know And I throw up from the vertigo And I say, I'm calling my lawyer, and my attorney, And my insurance company, and you guys are Gonna be sorry I fell off the chair lift And I hear my family bet against me Can you believe that? Oh that's nice I fell off the chair lift Man oh man that sh*t is slippery Maybe I'm adopted I never heard the starting gun But then I landed on the luje run And somehow I took the gold though I was unaware That I was in some kinda crazy habitrail sledding competition Even though I broke both legs and a thumb, I still won And I say, it's like this is a reality show, and a game Show... I mean where's Wayne Brady? Or Howie Mandel? No deal! I fell off the chair lift And nearly got an appendectomy Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow I fell off the chair lift And I'm pretty sure I was pushed by the Great Luke Ski He's a fake ski-instructor Spanning the globe to bring you the wide world of sports! Here comes this unknown, out of nowhere... a Cinderella story... oh my goodness, look at him go! Wow... that snow is very very cold... but it's so stimulating... here's your fifty bucks Steve... oh good, now I can go home!
4.
The Sleep Disorder Song 03:17
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I can't sleep, I can't sleep, my brain repeats Incessantly, these OCD, trivialities And eventually, if I fall asleep, I can't breathe Insomnia, and Sleep apnea, ba dum bum bum My CPAP never works that good, no good no good no good I can't unwind, ba dum bum bum Would someone please hit me over the head with a sledgehammer I can't sleep, I can't sleep I close my eyes, can't find no sheep So I don't count sheep, I count shepherds Bo Peep, Jesus, Samuel L Jackon in Pulp Fiction Astronaut Alan Shepard, he was an astronaut When I was a kid I wanted to be an astronaut So I asssked, and they said Not Wait I'm supposed to be counting sheep Sheep apnea, ba ba ba baaaaas Lamb chops they sure do taste good So good, so good, so good My stupid brain goes round and round Round and round, round and round Wouldn't it be great if you could win an award for this? I'd like to thank my mother, and Alan Shepard And my pharmacist who is no help at all You hate me, you really really hate me I'm trying to think about nothing Nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing Alan Shepard, damn you Alan Shepard I'm trying to think about nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing Grapefruit... what? Nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing Did I turn off the oven? I'm sure I did... probably... of course I did I'm going to the kitchen to check on the oven It's off, of course it's off, I think I'll make a sandwich You know, I ordered some CBD, but someone at amazon is dyslexic cause I got the Charlie Daniels Band box set instead The devil went down to the kitchen and made himself a sandwich Sleep apnea, ba dum bum bum... I can't breathe, I'm so dumb Who forgets how to breathe for crying out loud I don't snore, YOU snore! Shut up! YOU shut up! I've been drinking decaf tea Listening to the white noise machine Breathing slowly and deeply I'm almost there, now I have to pee I shouldn't have drunk that gallon of pepsi Now I've got restless leg syndrome like Elvis Presley, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh Then all the next day, narcolepsy Thank you, thank you very much Is it weird that I fell asleep at McDonalds? In the drive-thru Or while pumping gas Or watching the eclipse Please drive around, sir Do you think it's wise that I drive around while I'm a... Sleep apnea, this song's so dumb Geez I have to be up in three hours... two hours... I've got so much to do tomorrow... one hour... I'm screwed... thanks to... Sleep apnea, ba dum bum bum Fifteen minutes of sleep would be pretty good So good so good so good! I think I hear banjos, ba dum bum bum Would someone please hit me over the head with a canoe The wheels in my brain are made of sheep, but I'm really bleeped cause I can't sleep You hate me, you really hate me
5.
Mic Stand 02:25
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There's a song that�s coming up For which I poorly planned I look around the stage and I don�t see a f'ing stand With both hands occupied Playing my guitar I quickly scan the audience and AHA there you are Come be my mic stand You can join me on the stage Holding forth the magic stick that amplifies my rage You're a mic stand And I feel like such a jerk You paid to see my concert And I put your ass to work Up there on the stage Standing tall and proud Arm outstretched to hold aloft The thing that makes me loud Your peers are usually tripods Or have a metal base But you're the only one I've met with two legs and a face You're a mic stand And you stand there while I shout I'm sorry if I spit on you I hope it washes out You're a mic stand And I can't thank you enough I wish I had more stage equipment that would buy my stuff Okay um...there's supposed to be a solo here but you're just staring at me and you�re like RIGHT THERE and it�s kinda making me self-conscious. Can you, like, um, look over that way for a minute?Just for a minute? Okay, thanks. Oh, you're a mic stand Holding mics is what you do Hey you've got another hand, man, can you hold my water too? You're a mic stand And I can't believe you're here You paid to see my concert and I use you as my gear You're a mic stand Okay, I'm playing Minneapolis tomorrow. Get in the trunk. Come on Brandon... let's go. Okay! Wait, no, you're a night stand You stand there by my bed You have a lamp and a water glass And a book I claim I've read No, you're a flight plan You're the route the pilot chose You're a technical piece of paper That shows where the airplane goes No, you're a sleight of hand You're a clever magic trick When the prestidigitator says hey pick a card And he knows which one I picked No, you're a white man With a reasonable mortgage rate While you deny your privilege And you take and take and take And you're a mic stand Make me the butt of my own joke in my own song...
6.
The Hunting Song 01:14
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I always will remember 'Twas a year ago November I went out to hunt some deer On a mornin' bright and clear I went and shot the maximum the game laws would allow Two game wardens, seven hunters, and a cow I was in no mood to trifle I took down my trusty rifle And went out to stalk my prey What a haul I made that day I tied them to my fender, and I drove them home somehow Two game wardens, seven hunters, and a cow The law was very firm, it Took away my permit The worst punishment I ever endured It turned out there was a reason Cows were out of season And one of the hunters wasn't insured People ask me how I do it And I say, "There's nothin' to it You just stand there lookin' cute And when something moves, you shoot!" And there's ten stuffed heads in my trophy room right now Two game wardens, seven hunters, and a pure-bred Guernsey cow
7.
Friends 03:23
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A parody of "Friends In Low Places" as performed by Garth Brooks It was must-see tv, in the mid-nineteen-nineties When our tv's were not yet hand-held Every Thursday night we'd, watch the zaniest whities That we'd ever seen since Seinfeld I don't know how they could rent, that huge apartment When they were all supposedly broke And now they're all back with a streaming contract And I feel guilty cause I'm trying to be woke Cause I watch Friends even though it's racist I can't help myself, it's those familiar faces They're a Netflix hit, and I'm so conflicted Yeah I'm not big on Will and Grace I like the pretty hetero white millionaires Hanging out in their coffee place Oh I watch Friends even though it's racist Hey look! They're having coffee for hours in the middle of the day when they're supposed to be at work. Oh. My. God. Could they BE any worse employees? We were on a break! Hey. how you doing? Yeah I feel ashamed, cause I know all their names The actors and their characters too (even Gunther � James Michael Tyler) I laugh and feel bad, at Chandler's old drag queen dad And when they body-shame Monica, and the ugly naked dude And all their other friends, are similarly Caucasian They've never been to Harlem on the subway They never lived on the street, never heard of poverty Well except for Phoebe Buffay Dammit I watch Friends even though it's racist And every other joke is about who is gayest It didn't age well, yeah I'm going to hell If you like first-world problems and messed up face-lifts It's lily-white homophobic fun for all ages Hey let's watch Friends even though it's racist Yeah I watch Friends even though it's racist I can't help myself, it's those familiar faces They're a Netflix hit, and I'm so conflicted Yeah I'm not big on Will and Grace I like the pretty hetero white millionaires Hanging out in their coffee place Oh I watch Friends even though it's racist
8.
Orange Maga Guy 02:20
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A parody of "Rocky Mountain High" as performed by John Denver He was born into money that his daddy didn't earn And now he's broke and he's selling nft's And when he became president he only got one term But he says he won, and his maga cult believes He's the mar-a-lago orange maga guy He keeps documents that are super-classified Tells us he's a genius, and the dopes believe his lies Orange maga guy, mar-a-lago Orange maga guy, mar-a-lago I really thought we were done with him but he simply will not go Says things are rigged if the votes don't go his way But if the daughter of Dick Cheney thinks you're a damn psycho Hey it's time to take your orange butt and go away He's the mar-a-lago orange maga guy I hope they make this traitor testify (under oath) The Q folks think he's Jesus, I think he's a pumpkin pie Orange maga guy, mar-a-lago Orange maga guy, mar-a-lago
9.
Little Gerbil 01:54
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A parody of "Oh Pretty Woman" as performed by Roy Orbison Little gerbil, crawl on up my butt Little gerbil, I hope you don't get stuck Little gerbil I'm just as horny as I can be I shove little animals in me Forceps,,, Little gerbil, let's jump in the car Little gerbil, and head to the ER Little gerbil I pushed a hamster, right up my tail Now I'm a human habitrail Nasty... Little gerbil crawl right in Little gerbil please don't pierce my intestine Little gerbil swim right back to me Little gerbil come out now Little gerbil ow ow ow Little gerbil have you seen my car keys Cause I need you, although you stink I love you gerbil, think I'll call you Lemmywinks Little gerbil
10.
Go F Yourself 03:35
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A parody of "I Touch Myself" as performed by Divinyls You bought a smart phone, or a fancy new tablet It don't work anymore, you need some help with your gadget So you give me a call, here at technical support But I'm about as much help as a dang rectal wart I don't care, though I know you need help I'm busy playing wordle go f yourself Ah, go ask your nephew, he just turned twelve Oh no, hey bro, yo yo I'm the guy working at the drive-thru You're back there number ten in line Please drive around, that'll be fifty bucks please Oh no, did I forget your fries You've pulled away, this transaction's complete You're gonna eat what I gave you to eat You can call my boss, she's gonna ignore you This is Mickey D's, and we're not working for you We don't care, you can go ahead and yell We don't give refunds, go f yourself Ah, the customer's wrong, you can all go to hell Oh yes, yes yes, god bless You've got a toothache cause you didn't floss But dental ain't covered under Blue Cross So your out of pocket, about twenty grand But you still gotta pay your premiums, you really should read your plan We don't give a s, you can go ahead and yell We don't don't cover that, go f yourself Ah, keep on paying just like everybody else Oh yes, yes yes, f yes I've paid you thousands of dollars over the years I better go ahead get this done in Tanjiers Ow, ow ow, ow Ay yi yi yi In America they don't care about our health If you can't afford to be sick, go f yourself We're not socialists like everybody else You snowflake communist, go f yourself Go f yourself, go f yourself Go f yourself, go f yourself
11.
A$$hole Cats 02:05
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A parody of "Nashville Cats" as performed by The Lovin' Spoonful Asshole cats, do whatever they freaking wanna Asshole cats, don�t give a damn about me or you Asshole cats, so cute when they was babies Asshole cats, they bring dead stuff home to you Well there�s 13 million and 52 evil kitties in Nashville And there�ll be twice as many tomorrow cause they just can�t keep it in their pants-ville Yeah, and they got billions of allergens, keeping me swimming in Benadryl and Advil And they just sit around getting fat and watching me sweat on this stupid treadmill Asshole cats, they don�t do what they oughta Asshole cats, poo wherever they want to poo Asshole cats, I hear they carry rabies Asshole cats, but trust me, it�s illegal to dump them in the incinerator Well there�s approximately 600 million of these cute little bastards worldwide And though they�re perfectly suited to be outdoors we keep inviting them inside Crazy cat ladies call em fur-babies and I just don�t see the appeal So I blame Bill Murray cause I hear they�re making a third goddamn Garfield movie Asshole cats, do whatever they freaking wanna Asshole cats, you know horses aren�t the only things that can make glue Asshole cats, when you die they�ll eat your face off Asshole cats........ f you
12.
Allegedly Funny Songwriter 01:24
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A parody of "Rubber Ducky" as performed by Ernie This is a song about an allegedly funny songwriter Who I don't like, and he doesn't like me And when I wrote this song I put his name in it But I'm not using his name because I don't want to get in trouble So this song is called Allegedly funny songwriter, you're no one Career was over before it begun Allegedly funny songwriter you're awfully bad it's true Allegedly funny songwriter, I'll rejoice On the day you quit making noise Allegedly funny songwriter, everything you do is poo Oh, every day when you start to play with Garageband Using terrible midi tracks like these You make audio that really ought to go in the trash can I'm not a big fan of Allegedly funny songwriter, it's the truth You're the musical equivalent of a used douche Allegedly funny songwriter, I'm awfully sick of Allegedly funny songwriter, go bite your own d off Allegedly funny songwriter, I'm awfully sick of you Shut up And if you're wondering who it is, you can send me an email: steve@stevegoodie.com And... fifty bucks
13.
Firefly 02:08
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A firefly's light, did you know that it means The firefly's looking for the fly of his dreams He can't write her a poem, with rainbows and moonbeams It's all he could think of, it seems Firefly, first one of the season How come you are how you are Just think about that, you crazy lit gnat While I play this here solo on this here guitar You crazy bug, I think I can relate There were times I was so desperate I'd set my butt on fire to get a date You nutty fly, I'll bet that really stings I guess love really is a burning thing Firefly, first one of the season Why do you do what you do You're so lovely and bright, on this warm summer night And who are you looking for, do you know who A firefly's light, did you know that it means The firefly's looking for the fly of his dreams He can't write her a poem, with rainbows and moonbeams It's all he could think of, it seems
14.
Jerry Lewis Sings Zeppelin - live at the Bluebird Cafe 00:38
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A parody of "Over The Hills And Far Away" as performed by Led Zeppelin Hey lady!
15.
Mendel The Reindeer - live at the Bluebird Cafe 03:30
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So you think you've heard them all Every Christmas song Every yuletide carol that has ever come along That's not quite true We present one more to you Mendel the Reindeer reported for work On the 24th night of December Mendel had come all the way from New York Clutching an overnight letter Saying Dasher was sick and a desperate St. Nick Needed somebody healthy instead But Santa didn't hire Mendel He took a reindeer named Fred Mendel, Mendel, Mendel, Mendel, Mendel Mendel, Mendel, Mendel, Mendel, Mendel What do you know about Christmas anyway? What do you know? Oy vey! Mendel asked Santa Claus, "Why'd you reject me? So blatantly, anti-Semitically?" But Santa said, "Mendel, that's simply not true Just look around here, we're all Jewish too" You know Herschel and Harry and Larry and Tevya Lenny and Izzy and Yankel and Edna Jewish reindeer one and all, each one of them is They just changed their Hebrew names for showbiz ("Even Rudolph?" "Well, he's Hindu...") Mendel-le, Mendel-le, won't you please believe Who else would want to work for me every Christmas Eve? Mendel Mendel, would you be mollified If I said you're overqualified Maybe you'd be better suited for a desk job What do you say? Okay! Mendel the reindeer reported for work On the 26th day of December Sorting complaints from the bad boys and girls Who got socks instead of Nintender And Dasher got well, and Fred went back to Jersey To his job at the agnostic petting zoo So what do we know about Christmas anyway? It's Jews pulling the sleigh Except for Rudolph, he's from Bombay And oh, by the way The Easter bunny's got an alternate lifestyle
16.
Orange Cats, Muppets, And Zappa 04:38
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Orange cats, Muppets, and Zappa That's all you need Orange cats, Muppets, and Zappa That's about all you need Oh, and Dogbowl and Chris Chan And you wouldn't mind a big bag of weed, and Butters And orange cats, Muppets, and Zappa That's really all you need Your cat farts in his sleep and wakes himself up People ask if that's true and I say yup, yup, yup Yellow hair, cheesecake, and a ragtop Fiat That's all you need Yeah, yellow hair, cheesecake, and a ragtop Fiat That's really all you need Oh, and a pair of cheeseburger sneakers And another bag of sweet west coast weed And a fried egg in your yellow hair, cheesecake, and a ragtop Fiat That's about all you need Orange cats, Muppets, and Zappa That's all you need Orange cats, Muppets, and Zappa That's all you need Ah, and dog bowl and god help me Corey Feldman And you wouldn't say no to a big bag of sweet west coast weed But really all it is is orange cats, Muppets, Zappa That's about all you need And when you want to sing out, sing out And when you want a big cold coke slushy They often turn out to be free, to be free, to be free The pajamas of my mind, they are doing fine The pajamas of my mind, they are doing fine
17.
Silly Rabbi 04:36
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A parody of "Alice's Restaurant" as performed by Arlo Guthrie I improvised the lyrics, so I can't see the point writing them down here...

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released December 1, 2023

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Steve Goodie Nashville, Tennessee

For as long as songwriters and musicians have been plying their creative wares, it's been understood that music is a funny business. For comedian/songwriter Steve Goodie, a slight twist might be more apt: "Funny is a music business."

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